So I've been thinking...

Moving to the other side of the planet has a way of teaching you things about yourself that you may not have learned otherwise.
Lesson of the evening:
I'm either completely insatiable or I'm in the wrong place doing the wrong thing.

Don't get me wrong here, I really have very few complaints about living in Japan. It's teaching me things, I'm having fun, my job is easy, I'm accomplishing my one of my life goals ( to live in another country for atleast a year) **Side note, I'm 22 years old and accomplished all of my goals, pretty kick ass i must say** Anyway, my life here is very comfortable but I think that is the problem. I don't want to be comfortable I personally think that one grows more when they are uncomfortable.

Mom if you are reading this, yes, this is quite close to your out of your box theory. And somehow I've managed to move so far away and yet remain in my box. Not entirely. I mean I've had to make significant stretches in my personality, some people here think that I'm rather outgoing and god forbid, bubbly. So that's out of my box in some ways, but I'm not being challenged.

My weekdays are filled by mindless english lessons, teaching simple phrases like "I want a hamburger. I want a cookie. etc." My kids are fantastic and I love them, but I'm just not making the impact on the world that I feel like I should be.

Danielle brought to my attention that I am still doing meaningful work, I teach children. This comment was not lost on me. I agree, I do see that I am doing something, it's just not what I want to be doing. I'm not learning (mostly due to a lack of self discipline, so that I can't complain about), I make much more than my Japanese counterparts and do probably less than half the work, I go shopping...alot. I spend ridiculous amounts of money on food.

I should be feeding the hungry, caring for the sick, housing the homeless, hearing peoples stories, etc. But then I wonder if I'm desiring those things for selfish reasons? Or is that truly where my heart is...but honestly if I feel so emotional about it, I suppose that is a silly question. I remember telling someone once that I wanted to help people who had significant problems (yes I realize that all problems are significant in their own regard, but you know what I mean) I just don't see not speaking english in an asian country with no intention of leaving as a significant problem.

I need to get away...

short annecdote

It's been a while again, but my excuse is that I was on a week long vacation during which I actually did feel like I had vacated my life, I did hardly anything but eat, drink, and read books...Oh and then there was the day that Brenna and I walked from the middle of the island to the coast of the island just to find out that the restaurant we were going to go to was closed and didn't open until 6...it was 3. so we walked back. 3 hours of walking total. It was fun though.

Anyway, I can elaborate on that later although there isn't much to tell, so we'll see. Today at work is what the entry was inspired by. I have this little emotion face thing, its basically like a little smiley face flip chart made of construction paper circles folded and glued together with faces representing different emotions (angry, happy, sad, and sleepy), well some of my kids were fighting over it the other day and they ripped apart two of the circles, soooo, today I decided to glue them back together. I got out this glue: (which I remember having in like 2nd grade). I guess it had never been used before, but at the time I didn't know that, so I was squeezing it, but no glue was coming out. So I unscrewed the lid and examined it, I could see that there was a plastic thing covering the hole so I'm trying to poke it with some scissors and a razor knife but its not working so I just squeezed it and boom, off pops the little plastic thing and glue shoots all over my face and into my hair. of course.
i swear, my life is ridiculous.